i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
