I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
