There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
