just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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