You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
