i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
