do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
