This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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