Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
