so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
