I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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