Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
