Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
