Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
