I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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