Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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