His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
