You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
