You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
