i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
