saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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