I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
