Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
