so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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