god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
