He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
