Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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