Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
