It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
