y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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