Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
