Jerry, you need to find god
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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