It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
