my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Let the clothes fall where they may.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
