She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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