I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
