Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
