i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
