I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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