im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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