she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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