I can text with my tongue
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
