thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
