then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
