I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
