in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
