Non-Jews are for practice
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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