Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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