Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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