Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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