i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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