if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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