sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
